Zafaron's writings

So I mentioned in the Hello Topic that I am currently writing a book. Well I just finished the first chapter right now and wanted to share it with the people of this forum. I would love some critiques. Anything good, bad, confusion, or otherwise please share it. I put a lot of work into this thing and I want to make it as great as I can.

That being said this is the first draft of it (I haven't even reread it yet) so you might see a couple of changes I make later or silly errors I overlooked when I wrote it.

But anyways, read on. And get ready, it is 12 and half pages in word so expect something long.

Prologue
It began with the ringing of the sirens, echoing through the night sky like the cry of a terrible beast from the beginning of time. As their screeching noise reached a fever pitch the entire city was lit up by a series of magical runes. Screams and shouted orders added themselves to the din as several buildings were engulfed in a fiery inferno. Out of the flaming rubble came two robed men, one small and thin, the other tall and well muscled. Magical lighting bolts blasted past two running figures scorching the ground quickly followed by a torrent of bullets. A quick flash of an antique sword and the bullets were reduced to metallic scraps. With a word from the smaller runner, they quickly switched direction right before the land in front of them was dominated by a huge pillar of black flames.

“They are pulling out all the stops aren't they Charles,” the larger of the two remarked worriedly, the lights bouncing off his black plate armor. All pretense of secrecy from the two spies had been lost. Their only thoughts were on escaping with their lives and with the precious knowledge they had worked so hard to obtain. The city's defense system had already activated itself, it was only a matter of time before the soldiers caught up with them.

“Just keep running Dylan.” The small man quickly ordered. “Enough people died to get us here, we need to make sure this information reaches the elders. We just need to get through the outer wall and we will be fine. As simple as the missions we did back when we were training right?” While his words seemed optimistic, his voice betrayed his true feelings. They both knew that they were not made for the chaos that was encroaching upon them. They were warriors of the shadows, trained to never be seen by the enemy. And now we have the entire city after us. Who would have expected the Dark Kingdom's defense systems to be this advanced? They are years ahead of what we had expected.

However, luck had still not abandoned the pair. While the defenses had been stronger then they had foreseen, they were still two of the fastest members of the espionage unit. In minutes they had reached the outer wall. “Cover me,” Charles ordered pulling up his sleeve. Instantly dark blue magical energies surrounded his arm. Thrusting his arm into the ground he felt his magic permeate the ground. The sounds of the battlefield were still around him, the screams of a foe dropped by his partner's claymore and the bangs of a bullet bouncing off armor. However, none of that mattered to him anymore. His entire concentration was focused on the ground beneath him. Even the near miss of a huge icicle did not enter his thoughts. He could feel the ground answer his call questioningly. It had answered to the city's magic for years, why was a new force trying to order it around? “Veart Sanot Yukus.” Charles muttered. The ground cracked slightly. “Veart Sanot Yukus,” he repeated. The earth rumbled slightly then returned to its original postion.

“Aren't you done yet?” Dylan screamed worriedly. Normally he would never interrupt his sorcerer partner but he could not help it. The flood of soldiers was getting closer by the second and he knew that the longer they were stationary the more danger they would be in.

“VEART SANOT YUKUS KRAGAT!” Charles shouted raking the inside of his arm with his other hand. A few drops of blood fell and were instantly swallowed by his magic. With a huge sense of release the ground finally exploded upward engulfing his arm in several layers of metal and minerals. His fist grew to the size of a small house. Standing up as quickly as he could, he faced their final obstacle.

When they had entered the city, they had been able to avoid the huge gate. The dark obsidian bars glowed slightly in the dark night, dominating their sightline. But now their exits were limited. They were several miles away from their access point into the city and trying to break through the outer wall itself would have been a time-consuming, if not impossible, task. However, the gate, regardless of how protected it was, was less resistant then the wall. “It was made to open and that alone decreases the number of protections that can be conferred upon it. You can't completely seal it up or it would stop being usable as a pathway.” He had explained this earlier, back when there had been eight in their group instead of just two.

“Will that even be enough to knock down that gate? Won't the magical defenses just repel it?” Dylan asked. He usually didn't question Charles' decisions but the fist was only the fraction of the size of the gate. Charles didn't even waste the time to explain. He did not expect most people to know, as even among magic users it was a little known fact, that most of the magical power in a structure was spent protecting it from other magical attacks, not physical attacks. It was the reason that protective edifices needed to be made sturdy and large in the first place. So while the fist was made with magic, the actual attack would just be a powerful, physical punch.

Shouting a battle-cry loud enough to even startle the nearby warriors, Charles charged forward slamming the huge fist at the gate. While a few bars buckled, the integrity of the gate remained strong. A sharp pain suddenly shot through his shoulder as one of the bullets finally reached its target. He ignored the pain and steeled himself for the next assault. Throwing every bit of force he could muster into his attack the giant fist once again made impact. This time huge chunks of metal near the top of the gate broke off. With a terrible crash the chunks of the gate crashed into the ground. Grabbing one of the metallic remains, Charles spun around and smashed it into the gate. The twin doors finally gave way and opened slightly. Charles quickly threw the piece of the gate he was holding at a nearby gun turret before disengaging his magic and escaping. Dylan spent a few extra seconds to disarm and kill the nearby soldiers before running through the hole himself.

Once outside of the city the two spies broke into a run. A few final attempts were made to stop the duo but they were easily dodged. Upon reaching an open stretch of land, the two increased their speed turning the landscape around them into blurs. Within minutes, the giant gates were out of sight. Dylan and Charles remained silent as they ran. While they had escaped the main danger, until they had relayed the information to the elders they knew not to let their guard down.

Suddenly Charles felt a slight increase in the air temperature and with it, a barely noticeable vibration of magical energy. “Retreat!” he suddenly shouted. Dylan, who had already been on guard when he had felt the change in temperature quickly spun around, grabbed Charles and dashed in the opposite direction. He barely made it as the ground they had been about to pass over was shattered by the force of an explosion of lava. Out of the massive chasm came a huge scaly black arm. Twelve lava covered fingers curled into a fist revealing a set of spiked knuckles before speeding towards the warriors. Dylan quickly gritted his teeth and swung his sword into the crevice between two of the spikes. The collision nearly knocked him over but after a few seconds he managed to maintain his footing. To his horror the lava coating the back of the monster's hand started to slide towards him.

"Let all that encroaches be banished," Charles shouted as he created a magical shield to stop the lava's movement. "Get rid of this thing before that lava becomes a problem."

Dylan nodded once and built up his inner strength. Flexing each of his muscles he braced against the ground with his legs. The massive hand began to move but he wasn't able to completely push it back. With a groan of pain Dylan repositioned his sword deeper into the space. Twisting his body with all his might he managed to redirect the fist to the side of him. Where the scales hit the ground they froze solid and fell off. With a massive roar from underground the hand retreated back to its home deep in the molten rock.

"Guess it couldn't take touching the cold ground. It wasn't made to leave the heat of its home," Dylan said looking around. "Someone summoned that thing. That was no coincidence. Show yourself whoever you are."

For a few minutes only the quiet solitude of the night responded to his order. Then before their eyes a giant magical symbol appeared. As quickly as it appeared it vanished leaving a man in its place. He looked at the warrior and the sorcerer for about a minute. Then, as if he had just watched a wonderful show he started to clap.

"That was a terrific demonstration of strength and skill. Not only to actually bring down part of our gate but to even repel a lava dweller? I must admit that I am impressed." He laughed amused at the confusion of the spies' faces. He finally ceased clapping as a dark look appeared on his face. His blond hair started to move as magical energy began to permeate the air. "However, if you actually thought you could gain so much information and just leave, you are sadly mistaken. Of course, unwarranted optimism seems to be a trait of your country." He rolled his eyes when he saw them start in surprise. "Don't act so shocked. A powerful magic user and warrior team? Doesn't take a genius to figure out you are from the Allosa Kingdom."

Dylan quickly got over his surprise as a cocky smile appeared on his face. "Well if you know where we are from, I assume you realize how dangerous we are. Perhaps you would prefer to just let us go and not have to endanger yourself?" Charles instead remained silent staring at the new adversary.

"Nice bravado but it will take more than that to faze me." The mans deep blue eyes seem to be radiating pure bloodlust. "You may have demonstrated your strength but a battle between elites can be ended by a single mistake. All I have to do is wait for you to make one."

"He is right." Charles said quietly. "Teleportation is an extremely high level spell. For him not to show any fatigue, his magical stores must be tremendous. That alone makes him dangerous but it also cut off any escape path. Regardless of where he goes he can follow us and take advantage of a moment's hesitation or surprise."

"So the best way to get rid of him is to attack so fast that he doesn't have time to teleport again. At least that is in our favor, speed is one of a warrior's greatest advantages in battle." Dylan grabbed his sword hilt with both hands as he prepared to attack. "Direct me partner."

"Charles scanned the terrain in front of them for all obstacles and areas that could be taken advantage of. Experience and calculations combined to yield the proper attack plan. Meanwhile, the man just stood there waiting, releasing magical energy as a subtle threat. It seems he isn't going to act until we do. It's as if he is testing us or has something already planned. In that case... "Taking his distance into account and your speed, use approach K. It has the highest likelihood of success. I'll support you from behind." He gathered his own magical energy into his hands as he prepared his own attacks. Lets see who is the better tactician in the end. The blond haired man only smirked in response as if he had accepted Charles' mental challenge.

Dylan reared his head back and then charged. In an instant he had already covered a third of the distance to the enemy mage. Obeying the hidden orders that were within the words 'approach K', he suddenly jumped back and spun his body to the right. The ground he had been running on burst upwards in a giant earthen spike to skewer the swordsman but he had already passed it by. The dark mage narrowed his eyebrows while still maintaining his smirk before slicing his hand through the air. In response a giant wind blade flew forward to slice Dylan in half. However, the blade flew over his head instead. He had dropped to the ground even before the mage's arm had begun to move. He pushed off the ground closing the gap between them.

“What!? How?!” The mage's eyes widened as he yelled in shock. For the first time since he had appeared, his look of confidence was finally shattered. “Foresight, mind reading?” He sent out a fast wave of evil energy and grimaced when he saw Dylan jump to the left avoiding it completely. His eyes widened in understanding as he swung his gaze to the grin on Charles' face. “He predicted what I was going to do? No. He knew of our usual pattern of attacks.” He swung his arm up into the air. Well then lets do something he won't expect. Normally after the spike and slash we would follow up with a summoned creature. “Instead how about I just kill you outright? Lightning's king, release yoursel-” His spell was interrupted as a group of icicles lodged themselves in his arm. With a gasp of pain he quickly cradled his bloody arm.

“Did you think I would just let you do that?” Charles asked while summoning more of the frozen projectiles. “But I guess you have bigger worries right now.”

Dylan used the few moments that the mage was distracted to clear the final distance between them. Wielding his blade with expert precision he attempted to cut down the dark mage. However, several quick dodges managed to keep the mage's head attached. For a few minutes they struggled with the mage barely dodging the attacks and Dylan keeping him from gathering more magical energy. Charles meanwhile got closer preparing his own assault. All it would take was for the mage's attention to be diverted for a moment and he would be defeated.

However, this was not to happen. Before Charles could release his attack the mage suddenly roared in anger. “Enough of this foolishness! This game is over!” Black magical runes appeared all over his body. He dodged one more strike before spinning around and socking Dylan in the chest. Magical lightning jumped from his fist into Dylan's body shocking him and forcing his muscles to sieze up.

Despite the pain Dylan still managed to raise his sword and slash it into the mage slicing him from his left shoulder to his ribs. Screaming in agony he jumped backwards as blood and flesh fell out of his wound. “To think you could still attack after being hit by that. It should have paralyzed you. But unfortunately for you,” at these words his face twisted into a mask of pure malevolence, “your job isn't to kill me.” Faster then either of the two spies expected, he jumped towards Charles. “Your job is to protect this guy.”

Charles opened his mouth to chant a spell but was only able to release a strangled gasp. He looked down to see a large black claw had ripped straight through his stomach. Dark red blood dripped out of his wound mixing with the blood that poured from the mage's shoulder wound. He could feel his body going into shock, his organs began to slow and his limbs felt lifeless He was sure that if he wasn't being held up by the sorcerers' arm he would have already collapsed to the ground. With his blurred vision he saw Dylan running towards them, his sword ready to release another terrible blow. But the mage just smiled evilly as if everything was according to his plan. Charles tried to issue a warning, tell him to retreat, or anything that would get Dylan to stop. But he couldn't draw the breath or get the words out. The mage raised his hand, snapped his fingers, and it was over.

Dark blue manacles flew out of the ground clamping themselves to Dylan's arms forcing him to drop his sword in pain while red ones latched themselves to his legs. Two large yellow restraints then tied themselves to his chest and neck. The mage pulled his arm out of Charles' stomach changing it back into a normal hand before placing it on his shoulder wound. He ignored the sound of Dylan falling to ground while concentrating on the injury. Before all of their eyes the flesh bubbled and twisted before rebuilding itself. Muscles grew, nerves reattached, and the bones repaired themselves. Finally, a layer of skin covered the new flesh as if the injury had never occurred. A content look on his face, the man walked over to his capture foe.

Dylan could only stare in confusion and horror at the healed wound. He had seen people and even other creatures use magic to heal themselves. But never had he seen a person completely fix a wound that quickly or easily. I guess I will just have to completely crush his head to kill him. That regeneration will make him a terrible enemy in the future. Pushing his body back and forth he struggled to break the bonds that held him. However, despite his efforts they held taut. He kept trying until he was gasping with breath. They had not been affected at all.

"Good try warrior." The mage said watching Dylan's struggles happily. "Unfortunately you aren't going to be able to break those that easily. I have been pouring magic into them constantly since I got here." Dylan looked at him in confusion. "Oh, you are wondering why your partner didn't sense me creating them? Why do you think I summoned a lava dweller in the first place? You both were distracted by the heat and didn't notice me create them from that alcove over there," he said gesturing to a small alcove about a quarter of a mile away. "Then I just had to activate them and bam, trapped foe." He bent down and picked up Dylan's sword testing its weight. "This is quite the powerful sword, no wonder you managed to deal so much damage to me. But of course, I guess it also has to do with your own strength." He gripped the sword by its handle before stabbing it deep into Dylan's chest. He cackled madly when he heard the loud groan of pain that accompanied the movement. He slowly pulled it out before thrusting it into Dylan's leg. "So what hurts more?" He asked in response to the twisted look of agony that appeared. "The pain from being hurt by your own weapon, or the knowledge that you have failed in your mission to get back to your kingdom? It must hurt doesn't it. You failed. You failed! And now they will have not idea what is coming! They will only be able to drop to their knees in fear when we complete our plans. And its all your fault!" He threw his head back and cackled insanely.

“And that is where you are wrong,” a quiet, firm voice cut through the laughter. The warlock turned his head to see where the voice came from. Charles had somehow managed to stand up holding a large ceremonial knife in his hand. While his magic was keeping the wound from getting worse, it seemed to be having trouble completely healing it.

“And how am I wrong?” The dark mage raised an eyebrow quizzically at Charles. “Your partner is trapped, you are injured, and all of your magic is being sent to healing the damage I dealt to you. And if you honestly think that knife is going to kill me when this guy didn't then you need to get your head out of the dream world.” His face suddenly brightened as he clapped his hands together. “Oh, I get it. You are just having delusions since you are near death. It all makes sense when you think about it that way.”

“Still wrong.” A smile appeared on Charles face as the warlock's faltered. “You are doing what we did earlier. Dylan confused his duty of protecting me with killing you. And you are confusing our duty right now. Our job isn't to kill you.” He raised the knife up into the air. “Our duty is to get this information to our superiors.” As he said these words he swung his knife downwards chopping off his own arm. Blood poured on to the ground around him as he dropped to one knee screaming in pain. Grimacing, he put one hand into the puddle of blood at his feet. “By blood and flesh pact I call you! Come to me and heed my wishes!” His arm suddenly collapsed into ash as his blood evaporated.

“Like hell I'll let you.” The warlock shouted catching on. As his magic was tied up in Dylan's bonds, he pulled out an enchanted gun from his robe and fired at Charles. Before they even got close, they were melted in a terrible blaze. Summoned from the blood sacrifice, a tremendous Phoenix stood before them, it wings heating the air to a painful level. The warlock's face twisted in hatred at the magnificent site, his gun having been rendered completely useless.

“I haven't had much luck with fire and heat today.” Charles said quietly looking at the creature he had given his arm to summon. “But I can only rely on you. Bring this to my master.” He summoned a small box out of his pocket. A magical seal was etched on the front of it, decreasing its size for transportation. He threw the box into the air where the bird caught it in one of its massive claws. In a moment the flapped its wings, released a burst of flame and soared away.

For a few minutes there was silence in the area. The two spies and the warlock just stared into the sky where the phoenix had been. Suddenly a large lightning bolt struck Charles, knocking him to the ground. The sound of running bodies became noticeable as a large group of soldiers surrounded the spies.

“Sir. We finally caught up with you.” One of the soldiers yelled catching the warlock's attention. “We lost you for awhile until there was that big fire attack. Hey, these guys are still alive.” He looked to the crumpled form of Charles. He pointed to one of his subordinates. “Finish these two fools off.”

“I am going to have you ignore that order,” the warlock calmly stated. Everyone instantly stopped what they were doing, paying him full attention. “First off, that was not a fire attack. It was a summoned phoenix that carried off the data they took from us.” He held his hand up as the soldier went to speak. “It would be useless to go after it now. Even if you managed to catch up with it and defeat it, it would quickly resurrect again and again. But what impresses me about the whole thing is how it was summoned in the first place.”

“A powerful summoned creature like that one would usually take huge amounts of blood to be able to get it to obey. This guy managed to bring it here using only half the usual amount of blood. And this one,” he pointed to Dylan who was still bleeding from the two sword thrusts, “managed to actually force me onto the defensive and even managed to get a powerful strike in. We shouldn't kill them yet, I am sure their blood would be useful in our own summoning ritual.”

“But what about the information they sent to the Allosa Kingdom?”

“It matters little. Even if they know what we are doing, it is too far gone for them to actually be able to stop it. They will be more prepared, but all their preparation will mean nothing in the face of our might. Now lets return to our home.” He turned and began to walk back to the city.

“Yes sir, Dark King Drakmos."